How to Stay Sober During the Holidays

11.25.2024

Eeek (or yay!!)… the holidays are here! It can be a dreaded time of year if we are not (emotionally and physically) prepared. When it comes to addiction recovery and specifically early sobriety- the holiday season can be especially rocky depending on what you’re going through and if you’re lacking support right now. If you’re here to find solutions for yourself or to help others- I hope the information I’m sharing will be useful and that you have a safe and sober holiday season. 

Choosing to do your best to plan ahead and honor yourself by remaining sober is a brave and healthy step toward long term recovery. 

It makes sense if you’re anxious at first leading up to holidays, events, gatherings, etc. when first going substance free. From my own experience- the more you experience getting through (and even starting to enjoy) these types of events while sober- the easier and less stressful they will become over time.

There are many factors which can make the holiday season a risky and potentially triggering time:

• • Grief because of lost loved ones can bring up waves of sadness and longing for a happier or more comforting time. 

• • Loneliness and disappointment could crop up due to changes in personal relationships in recent years or a lack of support in general.

• • Physical illnesses or inconvenient circumstances can bring unexpected changes to what we thought our holidays would look like. 

• • Financial stress and unrealistic expectations can bring up anxiety and overwhelm. 

• • Anticipating being around dysfunctional and unsafe people/ family members.

• • Intrusive or unpredictable trauma memories from difficult holidays in the past or in childhood (understatement of the century for many). 

Triggers can be unexpected from outside or inside of you- they may come out of nowhere. Without a plan or support the triggers may lead to unsafe ways of coping and escaping. 

Thoughts can cycle through our minds, such as, “What will I do if I’m offered a drink?” or “How can I best avoid triggering questions from certain loved ones?” 

It’s common to wonder and even ruminate about what could happen- however, to decrease our suffering we can learn to plan ahead for these potential circumstances and make safer, healthier choices.

In this article I’ll review some of my favorite tips for staying sober during the holidays both from my perspective as a therapist and also as a regular person who has been substance-free for nearly 12 years. 

7 Tips for a Sober Holiday Season:

1. 1. Remember your baseline needs and prioritize your routine.

Think about your routine- what is it that keeps you solid and grounded throughout the day and week? How can you continue to prioritize your routines during this last month or so of the year?

Eating regularly, sleeping as close to your normal routine as possible, drinking enough water, prayer, and some sort of movement are the main things that come to mind when I think of the routines that personally keep me emotionally more stable and secure. When one or many of those start to fall off, we are more likely to lose patience and experience increased discomfort (anxieties, worry, irritability, difficulty focusing, low mood, etc.). 

Consider self monitoring your routines this month through lists, a simple chart, or in a planner/ journal. If that doesn’t work and you live with someone- ask them to be your accountability partner for staying on track with your basic needs this month. Keep things out where you can see them if they’re associated with your routines, and alarms on your phone to remind you of daily living activities if needed. If it helps to list out your routine each day and check things off- try that. Your emotional state and ability to think clearly will thank you.

2. 2. Consider your holiday plans mindfully.

Speak with your people about what your plans are and consider all of the options. If something gives an automatic “no” feeling in your body then consider having curiosity around that- maybe it is time to make some changes or choose something new this year. There could be changes that can be made which others in your family / group may be happy to go along with- you will not know unless you ask. If you feel safe and open with certain family members about your worries- consider opening up to them about what you’re struggling with when it comes to the plans- maybe together you can come up with a solution that you wouldn’t have thought of alone.

If you are in early sobriety and your main concern is being physically around alcohol- some options are to make new plans for this year such as going to support group holiday event (AA, NA, or others often have options), to sign up for volunteering somewhere locally, or to ask other sober/ recovery friends what they’re doing and if there is something you can join instead of your usual plans. If you choose alternate plans this year to avoid being around alcohol it doesn’t mean you will always choose that plan in the future- it may be just for now the safest choice during a more vulnerable and sensitive time in your recovery. With urges and triggers happening sometimes it can be getting through “one moment at a time” instead of “one day at a time.”

3. 3. Cope ahead for your chosen plans.

The concept of “cope ahead” I’m sharing from the therapy model DBT- Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Cope ahead is from the emotion regulation category of DBT- meaning that it’s used to help regulate emotions when we are emotionally dysregulated and to help keep us from becoming emotionally dysregulated when possible. The act of feeling prepared and rehearsed will generally give us at least a little bit of peace and stability to be able to move forward.

When creating a cope ahead plan- at first you’re aware of some anticipatory anxiety about an upcoming thing and then you can create a plan (ahead of time-either alone or with a therapist/coach/friend) of how to cope through that situation. The plan usually consists of coping skills that you can do internally or discreetly if needed and planning to ask for support on your phone or from someone at the event. The plan can even include taking breaks from the event by leaving for a walk, spending time alone in a different room (using skills in the bathroom) doing something to distract or just for the mental break, and can include a back up plan of leaving (and how to go about leaving). Visualizations can also be part of your cope ahead plan- rehearsing in your mind ahead of time that you’re going through with the plan and coping effectively when needed while there. 

Something I always found helpful as a tangible distraction in early sobriety is to always have a non alcoholic drink in my hand during socializing at holidays/events. It can be fun to bring your own mocktail, seltzers, teas, or any other non alcoholic beverage to be enjoying and to keep your hands distracted with instead of alcohol. 

Cope ahead plans are something as a therapist I will often do with clients for things that are upcoming- and it seems helpful both for me when i’ve used them and for my clients to put their plan in their phone (on the notes or similar app) or to have an index card/ sticky note somewhere safe on you so that you can access the plan as needed for reminders.

4. 4. Identify your main supports and lean into them more than usual.

Consider your support system- have there been friends you can share with during difficult times? Maybe it is new friends that you’re meeting in a program or support group- finding people that can understand and relate to what you’re going through as you’re learning to navigate new territory in recovery can be extremely helpful. They’ve likely been there and if they haven’t been there themselves then a supportive friend can at least hold space for you to share and be heard.

If someone asks what your plans are and how you’re feeling- and it is someone you trust- consider sharing the truth if you’re struggling. Your support people who want to see you succeed will likely be encouraging and may even offer to be someone you check in with during the rougher times. A sponsor as well can be a great support during the more sensitive firsts like holidays and events in sobriety. 

5. 5. Identify and reframe thoughts that are telling you an old and outdated story.

It’s common if you have a trauma history to struggle with catastrophizing thoughts and to expect the worst in certain situations. Our brain does this to try and protect us and like a computer program, it often doesn’t know another way. When I would struggle with this in early recovery my first sponsor would say, “be open to a new experience.” This phrase has stuck with me and helps in preparing for things that I’m expecting a certain outcome at before even going into the experience. It takes time and compassion to change our thought patterns, however being aware and noticing what limiting thoughts may be coming up is the first step in starting to catch and reframe them into considering new possibilities.

6. 6. Create an emergency backup plan

The last point I want to share which can be built into your cope ahead plan is to have an emergency backup plan. Your backup plan can include phrases ready to go in case you need to cancel and change plans last minute. You can also consider how to exit early to be able to make it to a meeting or to get to a safe environment if you end up experiencing increased urges to take a drink or engage in anything unsafe. Reflect on what your options are and how you can communicate them (if needed) to remove yourself from any potential harm. A family member or friend feeling disappointed that you need to make a healthy choice for yourself is a much better option (in my opinion) than relapsing.

Conclusion

I hope this has helped you to feel more secure and confident in planning for the sober holidays ahead. Thank you for reading and if you want to hear updates about my posts in the future, please join my mailing list and follow my social media linked below.